We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
