I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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