Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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