Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize