It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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