the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
