Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My hand turned me down
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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