We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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