there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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