Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
