Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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