i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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