Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize