he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
