Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
