I must be too annoying 4 u.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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