I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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