so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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