Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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