I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
