Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
