i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
