Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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