im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
