Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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