Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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