Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
