I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The power of my boobs compel you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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