I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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