That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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