I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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