so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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