he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize