wrigley field is MILF paradise
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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