How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
