Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
