I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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