Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
