why do cheetos always look like penises
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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