Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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