he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
