he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
