where am i from again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
