is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
