Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize