She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
