This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
