you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
