im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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