Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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