So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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