I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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