Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
