I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
