you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
