I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
