I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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