You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
