I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
