My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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