Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
