low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
