It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is my gift to your gina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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