What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
