you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
