i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
