Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
