He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
