I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
