Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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