Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize