Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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